


Brother do you feel like a young god, dying in our modern age?

by Snap_crackle_spock



Series: Dying In a Modern Age [1]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, I just got hit with the "i love wally and artemis" stick, Set before Depths, i guess this is a character study, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 00:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19262413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snap_crackle_spock/pseuds/Snap_crackle_spock
Summary: “You’re going to be mad at me,” was all Dick could get out before she knew exactly what he was about to say, and she was not in the mood. Neither was Wally, apparently.“No.”“You didn’t even hear what I was about to say-”“I don’t care, dude. The answer’s no.”“You signed up for this the first time you put on the yellow and red. It’s not my fault you changed your mind too late.”This was a low blow, but effective. The knight had taken the rook. He had changed.“I was a kid,” Wally seethed, “we were all kids. We didn’t know any better. It’s not my fault my uncle told me stories about the fun parts that sound exciting to a 15-year-old and not the hard parts that don’t make his line of work fun and interesting to a teenager.”Artemis put a hand on his thigh, an anchor. He put his hand over her’s and took a breath.“Dick, you can’t be serious,” she said in an even tone.





	Brother do you feel like a young god, dying in our modern age?

**Author's Note:**

> no beta we die like men

The world was not the same as it had been when Artemis had come into it. When she was young, the lines between good and bad blurred more often, the requirements for survival were steeper, and the idea of love was just that. An idea. 

When the world said harden or die she made a choice. When the world said adapt or be left behind she made a choice. When the world said “I am not what you know, and you must relearn yourself” she made a choice. 

In her life, barriers and walls had come crashing down, good and evil had taken new definitions, and she learned that if you’re given a shitty family there’s another somewhere that you can forge with fire, trial, and steel. 

Her world was not what it had been. 

Five years ago, her idea of happiness was not  _ this.  _ It was her sister and her mother and her father. It was success in becoming what she was always told she was capable of. It was thrill and rough edges and moral ambiguity at best.

It was not: valentines days filled with sugary hearts and over-the-top cards. 

It was not: Ironic-but-not-totally Christmas cards with ugly sweaters and “Season’s Greetings” in calligraphy on the front.

It was not: picnics in the park with an overflowing basket, watching her dog bound around freely because he was that special kind that didn’t need a leash.

It was not: a college degree.

It was not: a hollow volcano that she only knew as “home”. 

It was not: waking up to a still-warm other half of the bed, panicking for a moment because she thought that someone had finally-  _ finally _ figured out their secret identities and come to settle an old score, only to hear the sizzling sound of pancakes probably being burnt on the stove, and the whistling of her boyfriend that set her heart at ease. 

That was never part of the plan. None of it was.

Realities —read: priorities— can change in a heartbeat. 

“Babe?” Wally asked, elbowing her in the stomach in a way that, just a year ago, would’ve made her seriously contemplate giving him a solid right hook. For now, though, she settled on leaning into his touch, letting him wrap an arm around her shoulders without a second thought. “You okay?”

“Fine.” She nodded. Rethought. Amended, “Not fine. In a weird place. It doesn’t matter. What do you think Dick wants to talk to us about?”

“He wouldn’t tell me over the phone, so it’s nothing good,” Wally said thoughtfully, shoving a whole hamburger in his mouth, not bothering to completely finish the sentence first. Dick had called them out of the blue three days ago, asking if they had a free night to talk in person. So, much to Wally’s protest, they’d given up their date-night, the one night a week they had free due to conflicting class schedules with heavy workloads, and instead sat in a poorly-lit diner with criminally slow service. “The last time he tried pulling this was during the Roy Intervention. And it didn’t end well.”

“You wanted to do that,” she reminded him, taking some of the fries off of his plate despite his whining protests, “and if I remember correctly you had asked him the week before that had happened to be in the loop on any news about where Roy was.”

“It’s not fair that you get to be right all the time,” he teased, stealing a sip of her milkshake in vengeance. 

“You set yourself up for failure and you know it.” 

“Why are you so mean?”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Why are you both so gross?” A third voice came from across the booth, and when Artemis looked away from Wally, there he was. Dick Grayson. No matter how many times he did the ninja-acrobat-superhero disappear/ reappear act, it always shocked her how someone with no magical abilities could simply not be there one minute and be there the next. 

He had grown up since the last time she’d seen him. Which, granted, was a long time ago. But still. And not just in the physical way —though he certainly was no longer the little shrimp of a kid she’d first been introduced to— but deeper than that. Even though he’d just cracked a joke, there wasn’t that mischevious smirk on his face or twinkle in his eye that she’d grown used to. He looked at the two of them, at Wally, his best friend since literal childhood, with a guarded expression, as if he was playing a game of chess and couldn’t risk giving away his next move to his unwilling opponents. Even the way he sat was different, no longer jittery and lanky and waiting for the next opportunity to poke fun at someone. Now he was still. A powerful presence.

_ He reminds me of Bruce, _ she thought first.

_ He reminds me of Kal, _ she thought second, this one hurting more. 

“Hey, Dick,” Wally said, sliding out of the booth for a second to give the other boy one of those awkward boy-hugs that involved as little actual contact as possible. Something in Dick looked like it melted, if just for a moment. 

The two slid into the booth, Wally’s hand once again wrapping around Artemis’ shoulders. “So,” he said, “is there a reason you stole our one night off or is this just a fun drop-in type thing?”

Artemis shot him a glare before sliding her plate of home fries across the table to Dick, a peace offering. “What he  _ meant _ to say was ‘hi, how are you?’. Sorry he’s behaving like a seven-year-old.”

“When does he not?” Dick smiled, accepting her offering. Artemis didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to the rest of the restaurant, though. Surveillance. 

Not that there was a need, it was pretty much deserted at this time of night, with most kids long since back home for curfew and most parents back to enforce said curfew. The only other people besides them were the two waitresses, both chatting quietly by the cash register, and the man clearly asleep in the corner. Artemis had done the same thing when she and Wally had arrived

“So why are we here?” She prompted, pressing her knee to Wally’s in apology. He shot her a look that clearly said  _ I’m not mad just disappointed _ .

“You’re going to be mad at me,” was all Dick could get out before she knew exactly what he was about to say, and she was not in the mood. Neither was Wally, apparently.

“No.” 

“You didn’t even hear what I was about to say-”

“I don’t  _ care, _ dude. The answer’s no.”

“You signed up for this the first time you put on the yellow and red,” Dick said, careful not to explicitly say  _ YOU’RE KID FLASH!!! _ in case the waitresses were in the habit of eavesdropping, “It’s not my fault you changed your mind too late.”

This was a low blow, but effective. The knight had taken the rook. He had changed. 

“I was a kid,” Wally seethed, “we were all  _ kids. _ We didn’t know any better. It’s not my fault my uncle told me stories about the fun parts that sound exciting to a 15-year-old and not the hard parts that don’t make-” he caught himself, cast a quick glance to the girls, though they were clearly not paying them a lick of attention, “his  _ line of work _ fun and interesting to a teenager.”

Artemis put a hand on his thigh, an anchor. He put his hand over her’s and took a breath. 

“Dick, you can’t be serious,” she said in an even tone. 

“Wally  _ just _ did it last week. Or did we forget the whole Impulse situation that quickly?” He arched an eyebrow. It was weird seeing his eyebrows. 

“That was a special circumstance and you know it. Even Jay came out of retirement for that,” Wally spat, “ _ Fuck. _ Don’t you have a whole team to do whatever it is you want done? Why are you coming to people you know are going to say no?”

“I need people I can trust,” he said plainly. That one hit home, too. After the whole thing with Kal, they had all been walking on eggshells when it came to the trustworthiness of the others. Even though Wally and Artemis weren’t on the team, they still knew people. Had heard things. How Dick kept more secrets, never revealed the whole plan, was getting less and less in the habit of actually talking with the rest of them. 

“Bro,” Wally said, edges softening immediately, “none of us were expecting that to happen with Kal. It took all of us by surprise. But you can’t let that stop you from trusting the rest-”

“Kal didn’t betray us.”

That got them both by the chain. That threw them both. That was almost unbelievable. 

“What are you-”

“He’s working deep undercover right now,” Dick continued, voice hushed, “but I need another person on the inside. For-” finally he faltered, “for insurance.” The unspoken words hung in the air.  _ In case I’m wrong. In case he really can’t be trusted. In case I miscalculated. In case I fucked up and put all of us in danger.  _

“That’s… That’s a lot.” Artemis finally said. 

“That’s one way of putting it, yeah,” Dick said, letting out a small laugh.  _ Fuck _ she missed him. She missed the days right after she and Wally left where, even though he wasn’t quiet about his disagreement with their choice he still made an effort to be part of their life. When they’d still been friends by something more than by name. 

“Listen, Dick,” she laced her fingers with Wally’s, “I get it.  _ We  _ get it. I’m sorry. But what you’re doing is unfair.” If she was being honest with herself, she was the one who needed an anchor right now. No matter how much she loved her life, loved Wally, loved the normalcy, there was something that ached to get back to the thrill of beating the shit out of bad guys once a week. 

“What’s unfair is you not seeing that this is important. Every minute we spend sitting here debating this is a minute the Reach gets closer to taking over the world.”

“We have a life now,” Wally protests, “school! A dog! You’re really just going to ask us to give that all up and, what, fight battles with you every day? Get the shit kicked out of us just to say we’re trying?”

“No,” Dick says, and Artemis can already tell whatever he wants is worse, “What I’m asking you to do is fake your own death and assume a new identity. That way people won’t wonder where you went. I need someone as deep as Kaldur is, someone by his side and able to gather intel he can’t.”

They were silent for a minute.

“I only need one of you.”

Another minute.

“You’ve got to be  _ fucking _ kidding me,” Wally finally said. The hand he had slammed on the table for emphasis was beginning to vibrate, fade in and out of reality. “Do you know what my parents would think?” A low blow. Dick steeled himself.

“I’m not talking about you.”

They both looked at Artemis, and she felt the weight of her new world come crashing down on her. She looked at Wally, saw the heartbreak in his eyes when she didn’t immediately say no. Saw the dawning realization that, even if it hadn’t fully hit her yet, Wally understood. The way he knew her better than she knew herself. The way that, in that moment, he wished he didn’t. 

“It wouldn’t be forever-”

“How long?” She said shortly. 

“A month, maybe two. Three at the most.”

“I’m going to have to quit school.”

“Babe,” Wally interjected. He sounded resigned. “You don’t have to do this. This isn’t our cross to bear anymore-”

“Yes it is,” she stopped him. “It’s always been. I-” She looked at Dick, “Listen, I’ll get back to you. Okay. I’ll tell you soon.”

“Okay,” he said and got up. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, he had the answer he’d been looking for. 

* * *

 

 

They were back at their place, Brucely curled up on the bed and rain softly hammering the window. They’d barely said a word to each other and now, as they changed their civies for pajamas on opposite ends of the room, Artemis was beginning to crack. Fuck. How was she supposed to spend months away from him when she couldn’t even handle a couple of yards?

She looked over her shoulder, saw him facing away from her, tugging off his ugly red sweater that she loved. His back was tense. 

“Would you just say it?” He shattered the silence, not looking at her. 

What was she supposed to say? That she was sorry that she didn’t say no? That the idea of picking back up where they’d left off wasn’t something she’d been toying around with more and more recently? That, when she’d heard he had donned the red and yellow to help his family, she’d wanted nothing more than to be with him?

“Stop being mad at me.” Was what she settled on, putting the red and white “13” jersey on over her head and sitting down on the bed. “You don’t get to be mad at me for not saying no.”

“Which is just a roundabout way of saying yes!” He finally turned to face her, arms crossed across his bare chest. Focus. 

“Babe,” she started, regretted it, kept going, “don’t act like you haven’t played hero once or twice over the years. Even without the suit, you’re telling me you haven’t used your speed to stop someone from taking some poor old lady’s purse. How is this different?”

“It’s a drug, Artemis!” He was frustrated, which meant his face was getting red. Red enough to match his hair, to blur with his freckles. If this wasn’t so serious she’d say  _ and that’s why your middle name’s Rudolph. _ Focus. “It’s addictive, and if you let it pull you back in it’s twice as hard to stop. You can’t tell me you don’t see why this is scary to me!”

“I know,” she crossed over the mattress to him, took his hands in her’s. “But I have to. You…” she threw her head up in frustration, “You don’t  _ get _ it.”

“Tell me, then!” He squeezed her hands, “Artemis if there’s something I’m missing then please, by all means, enlighten me! Because from where I’m standing it just looks like you want to make everything that made us work so well for the past five years in the trash! Why aren’t you talking to me?”

“It’s because you’re good, Wally!” She exclaimed finally, letting his hands drop. Backing up. She felt like a caged animal. “You’ve always  _ been _ good! You don’t get it because you  _ can’t  _ get it! It’s never been hard for you to do the right thing!” She was getting frustrated now. She was backing up, closing herself off. She felt like she was a kid again. “Fuck. Fuck! You were trained by The Flash. Your best friends growing up were Aqua Lad, Speedy, and Robin! You’ve been running circles around bad guys since you were 13. 

“Do you know what  _ I _ was doing when I was 13? Coping with the fact that my mom just went to jail and my sister had left to go commit crime somewhere else. Do you know who trained me? My dad, Sports Master, the one who’s part of the evil villain group that we used to fight on a weekly basis. Do you know who my friends were when I was growing up? Icicle Junior and the Terror Twins, and every once in a while we’d have play dates while our parents were busy getting defeated by you. It doesn’t come naturally to me, Wally. I don’t just get to rely on my instincts to tell me to do the right thing, I have to choose it. I have to prove that I’m not them, I’m not my family, I’m not who I was.”

“I know you aren’t, babe,” he said, coming to meet her where she was sitting. He had the good sense not to try to touch her, but enough bravery to be there. She loved him so much. 

“I know it too, but sometimes it just feels like knowing isn’t enough. Sometimes I just think ‘if I can do something good then I am good. If I can just not be a selfish fuckup for once in my life that means I’m a good person.” She looked at him, felt the tears welling and hated herself for it. Loved him for not trying to wipe them away. “I  _ love _ you. So much every minute of every day. And I love the life we built, and I couldn’t imagine a world without you. But… I’m not helping people, Wally. This isn’t me being a good person, it’s me putting what I want above the rest of the world.  _ That’s not fair.” _

“It’s not selfish to tear yourself apart for the sake of others,” he placed a gentle hand on her back, and she melted in his touch. “You can’t be expected to martyr yourself every day.”

“Who will if I don’t?” 

They were quiet, and in that moment she knew, just as she’d always known, that he wouldn’t stop her. He’d tell her he didn’t like it, he’d even try to talk her out of it, but he wouldn’t tell her no. He never could. 

“Okay then,” He finally said, and she sensed so many things in his voice. Fear, anger, resentment, understanding, sadness, and love, “call Dick.”


End file.
